Top 15 Worst Films of 2016

It's finally here. It's time to count down what I thought were the worst films of 2016. The reason I decided to go for 15 for best and worst is because there's was a lot I wanted to cover and I thought 15 was a good number.

Not please keep in mind with this list - I have not seen every single poorly reviewed movie that came out last year. So, if a bad movie came out that isn't on this there's a good chance I either didn't find it as bad or I just didn't see it.

I'm not getting paid for this stuff so you're just going to have to settle for this.

First, dishonorable mentions:
Ben-Hur (2016)
Carnage Park
Diablo
The Do-Over
Gods of Egypt
Holidays
Mojave
Morgan
Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising
When the Bough Breaks


Now onto the top 15.

15. Yoga Hoser - dir. Kevin Smith

A lot of people may be surprised to see this so low on the list, and honestly, I don't think it's awful. Obviously, I don't think it's good because it's on this list but I can at least appreciate how creative it is. But I can't really overlook how annoyed I was by a lot of the jokes. Seriously, a lot of the jokes are just "it's funny because Canada." Example: when the girls open up the store they say, "Sorry, aboot that." I do have hope that Smith's next film Moose Jaws is better. 

14. Suicide Squad - dir. David Ayer

I originally gave this movie a passing review when it came out but after months of thinking about it time and time again I can't look past the flaws. This isn't a good movie which is a shame because there are some really good ideas in here. I kept hearing people say this was "DC's Guardians of the Galaxy" but the difference is with Guardians we were getting a new group of characters that didn't need too much development. With Suicide, we have a group of villains who were established through their adversaries, having other films establishing the heroes first would've made this a lot easier to introduce them and give them a movie. I really wanted to like this.

13. Mechanic: Resurrection - dir. Dennis Gansel
Before I saw this movie I went ahead and watched the original 1972 Charles Bronson film and the 2010 remake. Both films were pretty good in their own right. Then I saw this film and this seemed like another case of a bad action script becoming an unnecessary sequel. There's was nothing about this film that made me think this was a sequel to the 2010 film. I could go on about the many stupid moments in this movie (mainly the stupid prison assassination).

12. Cell - dir. Tod Williams

This movie probably wins the so funny its great award. I was seriously laughing my butt off at several moments. I say go watch it. Here are the basics: it has to do with a virus that turns cell phones users into rage zombies. It's stupid but it's hilarious. Also, this has the least caring Samuel L. Jackson performance I've ever seen. Seriously, Jackson is just waiting for the next Tarantino or Avengers film. 

11. Sniper: Special Ops - dir. Fred Olen Ray

Say what you will about American Sniper but that movie at least featured a lead that could pull off the look and attitude of a Navy SEALs sniper and the film was actually about the titular sniper. This movie, however, is BARELY about the sniper and features an actor who really isn't fit for the role. I've heard about how infamous Fred Olen Ray's movies were but this still kind of surprised me. 

10. Dirty Grandpa - dir. Dan Mazer
Here's the main joke of the movie: He's a grandpa and he talks about sex and says dirty words. That's it. And that may for a brief joke or maybe a small sketch but for a motion picture, it doesn't. It really saddens me to see a legend of Hollywood and a talented young star doing a low-brow, unfunny comedy.

09. Alice Through the Looking Glass - dir. James Bobin
I freaking hated this movie. So, why isn't this higher on the list? Because while this film did make me really mad compared to some of the others it isn't as bad. But I couldn't stand this film. It's a sequel to a bland and forgettable movie, it has a lead who is still boring, and there's no drama. I seriously couldn't care about why the Queen of Hearts head is big or where the Mad Hatter's family is. The only good thing about this film was Sacha Baron Cohen.

08. Friend Request - dir. Simon Verhoeven
There are people out there saying we'll never have a good video game-based movie. To me, we'll never have a good internet-based horror movie. While this does have some similarities to Unfriended but where that film at least had an interesting gimmick and maybe a hint of understanding the websites, this one doesn't. Please filmmakers, if you're going to make an internet-based horror movie please do some research.

07. London Has Fallen - dir. Babak Najafi
I'm trying to keep politics out of this but I can't ignore the elephant in the room. The biggest reason is because this film comes off as incredibly xenophobic and racist. Basically, anyone in this movie that is Middle Eastern looking is a bad guy. And given that the attack occurs while a lot of the terrorists wear disguised as police and regular citizen is really concerning to me. Also, the fact our "hero" says the line, "go back to Fuckheadistan," is especially troubling. I don't want to believe that especially since the director was born in Iran, but it's hard to overlook those points I mentioned. But outside of those points, it's not engaging, it's boring and unnecessary. 

06. Max Steel - dir. Stewart Hendler
Say what you will about the Transformers movies but they can at least be interesting in their badness. This movie is so lifeless. I just imagine the executives greenlighting this movie because of everything nostalgia happening now and this was a property in the 90s so why not? Except it's a property that I don't think anyone cares about. So, this movie is barely anything.

05. Outlaws and Angels - dir. J.T. Mollner
This movie is just plain ugly. I get the feeling that the filmmakers wanted to make something like Unforgiven (1992) but instead of having a point to make about violence in the west, it's an ugly and disturbing film that doesn't have anything to add. The worst part of this movie? There's an extremely graphic rape scene that served no purpose outside of being "shocking." The only good things I can say about the film is that Chad Michael Murray and Alison Eastwood give good performances.

04. The Bronze - dir. Bryan Buckley
What happens after a lovable-underdog-athlete wins the competition? Well, apparently they become a spoiled brat who like to steal money from their Dad's job (a mailman) and just act like a terrible person. I say just stick with Rocky 2 (1979) when it comes to stories about the aftermath of the big match. 

03. Norm of the North - dir. Trevor Wall
Obvious choice is obvious. This should not have been in theaters. I mean, just look at the lackluster animation, the lame and tired jokes, and the fact that this sounds like a freaking parody of a Rob Schneider movie. Do I really need to say anything else? 

02. Fifty Shades of Black - dir. Michael Tiddes
This movie had the easiest job in the world: make a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey. But it failed... HARD. I was baffled as to how unfunny this movie was. And it's another case of a parody movie that does actually make fun of the movie but references other aspects. Example: there's a Whiplash parody. Yes, seriously. They "parody" a movie that has nothing to do with Fifty Shades. This movie is so bad that Korey Coleman of Doubletoasted.com made a petition to have Marlon Wayans make movies for Netflix.

Okay, so with the last two being the most obvious, what could possibly make the top spot? Brace yourself.

01. Nine Lives - dir. Barry Sonnenfeld

I'm still baffled that this is a real movie. I remember when I saw the trailer I said to myself that this couldn't be real. I refused to believe it. But it's real and it's bad. It's not only objectively bad, it makes me furious. This movie represents so much of what I think are the worst aspects of filmmaking. It's a movie that relies on lame jokes, it's another product of "It's for kids who cares they'll watch anything," and there's no real passion despite this movie having a good director, looks like it was made for TV. But even then that's insulting to made-for-TV movies. Just don't watch this movie. Period. The only way this could have been worse is if there were offense racist portrayals and such. 

That's my worst of the year, stay tuned for the best of the year.